Indian Marriages

India is a home to people from many different religions and castes. Each community in India has its own marriage traditions.

Hindu Marriage

Marriage in Hinduism is defined in Manusmriti. According to Manusmriti, there are eight ways of union, which are considered as marriage in Hindu religion:

• Rite of Brahmana (Brahma) - where the father of the bride invites a man learned in the Vedas and a good conduct, and gives his daughter in marriage to him after decking her with jewels and costly garments.
• Rite of the Gods (Daiva) - where the daughter is groomed with ornaments and given to a priest who duly officiates at a sacrifice during the course of its performance of this rite.
• Rite of the Rishis (Arsha) - when the father gives away his daughter after receiving a cow and a bull from the brightgroom.
• Rite of the Prajapati - (Prajapatya) where the father gives away his daugher after blessing the couple with the text "May both of you perform together your duties"
• Rite of the Asuras (Demons) - when the bridegroom receives a maiden after bestowing wealth to the kinsmen and to the bride according to his own will.
• Rite of the Gandharva - the voluntary union of a maiden and her lover, which arises from desire and sexual intercourse for its purpose.
• Rite of the Rakshasa - forcible abduction of a maiden from her home after her kinsmen have been slain or wounded and their houses broken open.
• Rite of the Pisaka - when a man by stealth seduces a girl who is sleeping or intoxicated or is mentally unbalanced or handicapped.

Muslim Marriage

In Muslim religion, nikah is the word used for marriages. In Islam, The institution of marriage is that both man and woman provide company to each other, love to one another, have children and live in peace and harmony in accordance with the commandments of Allah.

It is also defined as a form of  Ibdalah which means obeying Allah and his messenger. In Islam, marriage is a mithaq, a solemn covenant (agreement) that cannot be taken lightly. Individuals must enter into matrimony with total commitment and complete knowledge of the intricacies. The partner should be the choice for life and one should be mature enough to understand the demands of marriage so that it lasts for life.

There are certain conditions for the marriage to be valid:

1. Consent of both parties- There are two marriages based on that halal marriage and haram marriage. In halal marriage It is ok to arrange marriages by suggestion and recommendation as long as both parties have agreed. In haram marriage, parents choose the would-be spouse for their child and the children play no part in the decision making process.
2. Mahr: A gift from the groom to his bride. The wife is entitled to a marriage gift that will be her own. This may be prompt or deferred depending on the agreement between the parties. A marriage is not valid without mahr. It does not have to be money or gold. It can be non-material like teaching her to read the Quran. There is no specification in the Quran as to what or how much the mahr should be. A marriage is a union of two souls and it is important that each one of them follow certain principles in order to have a happy life together. For that both the man and the woman who are married should follow some basic rules:

   (a)Husband’s responsibilities: Quran establishes that the husband is responsible for his wife's maintenance. The prophet is reported to have said: The best muslim is one who is the best husband. It is inconsequential whether the wife is a muslim, non-muslim, rich, poor, healthy or sick. A component of his role as qawam (leader) is to bear the financial responsibility of the family in a generous way so that the wife is assured security and thus perform her role devotedly. The wife's lodge must be adequate so as to ensure her privacy, comfort and independence.
   

   (b)Non-material rights- A husband is commanded by the law of Allah to treat his wife with equality, respect her feelings and show kindness and consideration, especially if he has another wife. The prophet last sermon stresses on kindness to women.

   (c)Wife’s obligations: The Quranic ayah illustrates the point:

   "Our lord, grant us wives and offspring who will be the apples of our eyes and guide us to be models for the righteous".

   The wife must be faithful, trustworthy and honest. She must not deceive her husband by deliberately avoiding contraception. Her husband's possessions should be kept in her trust. She may not dispose of his belongings without his permission. She must not allow access to anyone else to that which is exclusively her husband's right i.e. sexual intimacy. She must not receive or entertain strange males in the house without his knowledge and consent. She should not be alone with a strange male. She should not accept gifts from other men without his approval. This is meant to avoid jealousy, suspicion and gossip.
   A wife should make herself sexually attractive to her husband and be responsive to his advances. She must not refuse her husband sexually as this can lead to marital problems and worse still - tempt the man to adultery.

   (d) Obedience: The purpose of obedience in the relationship is to keep the family unit as smooth as possible. The man is given the right to be obeyed because he is the leader and not because he is superior. If a leader is not obeyed, his leadership will become invalid - imagine a king or a teacher or a parent without the necessary authority which has been entrusted to them.
   
   Obedience is subject to conditions:
   
   (a) It is required only if what is asked from the wife is within the permissible categories of action.
   
   (b) It must be maintained only with regard to matters that fall under the husband rights.

3. Witnesses - two witnesses, male or female: For the marriage to be legal, it is important there are at least two witnesses for it.
4. The marriage should be publicized; it should never be kept secret as it may lead to suspicion and complications within the community

Christian Marriage:

Christian marriages have two main events, the engagement and the wedding

Engagement parties usually given by the bride's family often precede Christian marriages. In the "bridal shower", an informal party is organized by the bride's family or friends and consists of only women. Similarly, the groom enjoys the "bachelor party or the stag party", which is hosted by him, the ushers or a friend. It takes place just before the wedding

Tradition demands that the bridegroom reach the church first and await his bride there. The best man - usually from the bridegroom's party - greets the bride with a kiss and her wedding bouquet. The procession to the church is usually in one of these ways:

-The priest may greet the couple at the door of the church, bless them, and lead them in; or
-The bride may proceed up to her waiting bridegroom at the altar with her father; or
-The bride may walk in alone to her bridegroom at the altar, preceded by first the pageboys and flower maids, the bridesmaid - best man pairs, and followed by a single bridesmaid carrying her veil.

The bridal couple then kneels before the altar. Then the priest declares the names of the couple who intend to marry, and that both of them should treat each other with love and respect. This is followed by the bridal couple’s declaration that they take each other as lawfully husband and wife and promise to stay with each other in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health till death do them apart. The best man usually carries both the rings, which are handed over to the priest who then asks the couple to put them on each other's ring finger. The priest blesses the couple and declares them as husband and wife. This is followed by the traditional wedding kiss.

Sikh Marriage

Anand Karaj is the prescribed form of Sikh marriage; the words literally translate as 'Blissful Union". It is a joyous and festive event which is very family oriented and informal in its atmosphere. Sikh marriages are usually arranged with families acting as little more than introduction services. The final choice is always left to the girl and boy. In some cases the boy and girl choose each other first and then seek their parents consent and blessing.

The Reht Maryada which is The Official Sikh Code of Conduct specifies that no thought should be given to the perspective spouse’s caste, race or lineage. As long as both the boy and girl profess the Sikh faith and no other faith, they may be joined in wedlock by the Anand Karaj ceremony. The Reht Maryada strictly forbids any sort of dowry arrangement as marriage is not to be viewed as a business transaction. Sikhs are also discouraged from consulting horoscopes or following any other superstitions pertaining to determining a wedding date or time. The Anand Karaj ceremony can be performed in any Gurdwara or home where Sri Guru Granth Sahib is respectfully followed. In Sikh religion, the religious ceremony cannot be performed in a hotel or banquet hall. However, there are no restrictions as to what time the ceremony should start or what time it should end although they are usually performed in the morning with the religious ceremony taking no more than a few hours.

An engagement ceremony called the kurmai is not required but is sometimes performed typically one week before the wedding. It is usually conducted in the Gurdwara or at the bridegroom’s residence. It involves Ardas (the common Sikh prayer), Kirtan (hymns from Sri Guru Granth Sahib) and langer (common meal) if performed in the Gurdwara. If performed at home, the bride’s family visits the house of the bridegroom for a short time. In both cases the bridegroom is usually presented him with a kara, kirpan or Indian sweets. The bride’s family in turn is presented with an Indian suit and sweets for the girl.

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